Archive September 2017 XVIII, No. 9

Behind Closed Doors: You Might Work in the OR If ...

21 dead giveaways that you're obsessed with surgery.

Paula Watkins

Paula Watkins

BIO

collie

1.You hoard, hide or loot items to keep the last one from being used or so you never run out.

2. You purchase in bulk. You would never procure an item the team needs without bringing at least 3 back with you. This goes for home, too. There's a lot more in your closet than clothes and shoes. You buy in bulk even if you live alone.

3. You put a Border Collie to shame when it comes to herding. You herd surgeons, techs, anesthesia, X-ray and sometimes vendors to get them all in the room at the same time. You do the same thing at home with the kids and spouse. You swear it's like herding psychotic squirrels.

4. You dislike change. New equipment, new disposables, new policies or new standards. The old guard moans, "If it's not broken, leave it alone."

5. You line up or stack everything in your closets, drawers and cabinets in the order of the most frequently used down to the most seldom used. I rotate my linens and socks in this fashion. The grocery stores call this "fronting the shelves."

belly button

6. When someone says "tie me up," you don't think it's something sexual or kinky.

7. Cleaning your belly button is right up there with washing your underarms, man/lady parts, shaving your legs and washing your feet. This is higher ranked than Momma's insistence you wear clean underwear. We've cleaned so much gunk out of belly buttons, it ought to go to pathology for gross exam along with the specimen. I'd be humiliated if someone I worked with had to clean out mine during an emergency surgery.

8. When opening a bottle of something at home, you lay the lid down on the counter with the inside of the lid up. If you drop it on the floor, your brain goes into the sterile mode and there's an argument with your sterile conscience as to what to do.

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